Love isn’t something you learn to do but It comes naturally. One day you will feel something for someone that you have never felt before. You will want to spend every waking moment with them. You will want to do everything for them. Then, you will understand what love is and be able to reciprocate that love to someone. In my opinion, love cannot be taught and it is a feeling towards someone.
It’s a feeling from a person’s mind. The way a person loves varies according to their personality. Not knowing how to love has no relevance. You live in this world because there is love between your parents, siblings, and friends. You love them too but you can’t recognize it as love. One day you’ll meet someone and you feel the same feeling towards her as you feel for your family and friends. There is no need to teach you, love, because you know it from your family and friends.
Love is one of the words with a lot of meanings. There are many ways to love and there are many things and different people that you can love. You can love your car or your PlayStation, or your pair of Jordan’s. You can love your mom, your sister, or your aunt. You can also love your wife or your children. I have never seen or heard of someone that has learned how to love. Love is not something that is learned, it just happens, and when it happens you will feel it, trust me.
Following are some things which might help you to love.
1. Accept them for who they are while embracing all their uniquely flawed quirks and idiosyncratic behaviors
It won’t be hard when you have worked within your entire being. Thus, once you can love yourself, holistically, of course, you will be able to give someone your full respect, loyalty, and trust. That is what love fundamentally is.
2. Make them see strengths they didn’t see in themselves before
A partner should not only notice but also tell those they love how bright their smile is, how adorable their eyes look. One should be able to profess one’s love for the way their hair curls at the end and how adorable it is when their nose wrinkles the moment they laugh. One should make their lovers trust themselves more for that not only creates a bond within their heart to themselves but also one’s own heart. And this only strengthens the relationship and that is something truly beautiful when your partner can rediscover their beauty that has always been there and see the magic they are.
3. Be vulnerable with them
By being vulnerable, perhaps, can you get to know and truly see them, and you’ll be open and intimate with them in the most delicate way possible. Vulnerability is truly the course of either’s ship to sail to the destination of freedom and true, unconditional love and respect. This also ties into the next point.
4. Sail with them and enjoy the journey you’ll both be experiencing together
What I mean by that is that you should remind yourself that you’re a team now and a team works together to reach its goals and desires to attain freedom and happiness in the long run. Thus, be cooperative and give up the need to be right instead of risking your relationship.
5. Have an open mind and always stay curious
How can you love someone if you do not know their story; the story that made them who they are now? Be as open-minded as possible, and give them the choice to be free and only share experiences with you that they want; never force them to divulge anything they don’t want. After all, just like this person, you wouldn’t want to share something embarrassing with someone you’re uncomfortable with either.
6. Lovingly and kindly communicate with them
For example, “could you hold me right now?” is far more effective than ignoring your partner because they didn’t know that you wanted them to hold you. Or saying “I miss you and would love to spend more time with you so that we can connect,” is better than saying “you never want to spend time with me; you don’t care about me.” In the last example, what you’re essentially doing is pushing your partner away, and using the emotions you’ve bottled up to cope in a way that dismisses them entirely. Conversely, when you use phrases like “connection,” or “like to spend more time with you,” you’re facilitating the bond between you two and harnessing it by choosing for more-gentle and understanding words.
7. Meet their needs, but also have them reciprocate
Basically, not falling short of having each other’s emotional needs met. That includes seeing when they need to be comforted, and when you need to be more aware and attentive of their behavior towards you.
8. Never guess what they feel
Always ask how they feel. If you don’t have telepathic powers: always ask your partner how they feel and be gentle with the information they’re willing to share with you. When they feel upset, offended, or anxious, soothe them with comforting or validating words; such as, “Your emotions are important to me,” “Is there something that we can do today that you’d enjoy?” or also “This is hard. You’ve done hard things before and I believe in you.”
9. Establish flexible Boundaries
Flexible boundaries look like this: “I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Right now, I am not in a place to take in all this information. Do you think we can come back to this conversation later?” Are you in a place to listen right now?” Boundaries are there to essentially support the relationship to be mutually respectful, appropriate, and caring.
How do you love someone properly?
- With astonishment that they love you too.
- With a fierce loyalty that you will keep them safe from harm.
- With a hundred private phrases and jokes.
- With a desire to surrender/possess, and melt in ecstasy at their touch.
- With patience and a desire to understand.
- With joy at hearing their footsteps returning to you.
Love is something you discover as it happens. Not something that you learn about from the outside, and practice doing.
Loving someone doesn’t refer to holding them tight but instead letting them go.
- Spend your time wisely. Don’t waste your precious time in arguments. It’s never wrong to say sorry, though it’s not your fault.
- Listen to their words without cutting the conversation. Things which seem meaningless to you might be very meaningful to them.
- Never discourage them in their career choices. Just state your balanced argument with pros and cons, giving the final right of decision to your partner.
- If they decide something against your preference and end up failing. Don’t mock them for not listening to your words. Tell them to be careful next time.
- Crack some jokes even if they are not funny. It lightens the warm environment.
- Just text them at least once even if you are extremely busy. It shows them that you care about them.
- Love them the way they are. Love doesn’t come with any conditions. If there are conditions, it becomes a transaction but not love.
- Last but not least, always ensure that their self-respect is protected.
Lastly, the best way to love someone is not to possess him or her and not to expect anything in return. You don’t need to put any effort to love someone. It’s a pure feeling that naturally comes for someone. If you try to mix that feeling with the desire of possessing that person it leads to attachments and as said by the great man attachments are the root cause of suffering.
Everyone wants to be loved whether it’s your partner in a relationship or a person who lives alone. People just want to be loved in a very good way. There are some things that can make a person’s life really good and that good thing is to get love. Take relationship for example. I really don’t think relationships are even possible without the warmth of being with someone.
In your life, you will meet many new people. Some really good and some really bad. People get to continue a different type of relationship with every new person that you just got to know. In life, we meet people that we don’t care about and then suddenly after a few times you get to find that you really like that new person. You want to be loved by that person. Being loved will make you explore a new type of thing that you don’t know yet.
I read somewhere “In order to get the love you need to make love, to make love you should have the emotions that the other person has for you”. Whenever I read these type of things I am always glad that I get to read them as these changes my thinking a lot. You should too read often to help find various examples for being loved. Read about love and being loved.